This morning, this morning… I am sitting cross legged in a wicker chair with a cup of something warm and a cat and a dog. Beside a large open window, letting the damp, warm air kiss our cheeks. This window is the first thing I open in the morning and sometimes it lets the damp seep into our house. Sometimes, I forget that the seasons are changing.
The season is changing. It’s evident everywhere, from the geese beginning to fly overhead to the rusting leaves. The spiders building their webs in the cracks of our home and my mindset beginning to shift from a slow almost lethargic summer to a hopeful, productive fall. At least, a buzzing in my mind that I can’t shut out.
Despite feeling this urge, I have been still operating in the dark. I can’t seem to get anything going. Walking is what frees me for the time being. Where I come up with ideas. I feel as though, this might be very cryptic so let me speak plainly. Accompanied by Brian Eno, some very talkative birds and the hum of the distant highway. Life continues!
These past few days I have had an old friend from my childhood visiting us. In the early morning, I am finding just a little bit of time to write. And somehow I still can’t get out what I want to say, despite it being S O B A S I C! Visits with friends often inspire me to change some habit of mine or be more creative. It isn’t often you spend an afternoon sitting at the beach and reflecting about life for hours. The waves reassure you.
I need to find time to create more, apply for artist grants, look at artist residencies so I can focus without thinking of domestic work that needs to be done, create and create and hold nothing back. Currently, harvesting and preparing food has taken over my life. Keeping our house sane. I need to put our ideas into fruition, looking into publishing our patterns and artist works in an artist book. Sometimes, I just need a push and maybe being more honest about it in my blog will help me. I’m sure this is of no interest to most, but I think this will help me. I often feel like social media isn’t quite the place for me. I don’t really feel like I fit in with what I see, especially with what I have become associated with.
I’ll be honest, it was my tarot reading that has made me confront this. The Magician: taking action, acting consciously, being creative. I believe the card that represents me best is the High Priestess, which is essentially the opposite of the Magician. It’s an intuitive card focusing on looking within and your sub-conscious. But right now, The Magician spoke to me.
And so, I best start taking action. My world of artistry and craftswomanship. Where to start? Maybe with a morning walk ❤
15 thoughts on “Bumbling by”
You are not alone in your feelings and wonderings, Julia. The earth and all humanity are going through a period of tremendous transformation now. The Sun is pouring forth strong energies to help us evolve into a society that is based in love and peace. Allow yourself space and time for your True Self to unfold organically. Remember that even tending to our gardens, putting up food for the winter, and doing mundane household tasks are creative acts which nurture our souls. It is all good. Follow your heart and trust that you will be guided back to your creative ways which may show up differently than in the past – i.e. taking on an artist residency (personally speaking, I highly recommend this!) – or exploring new ways to share love through the creative expressions of your hands & heart; or developing new routines.
Such wise and kind words, Bonnie! Julia, your thoughts from the past few blog posts have spoken to me deeply. I feel that I, too, am at a crossroads. Although not a creative person in the profound and amazing ways that you are, I know that I must find a way to incorporate more of who I am into what I do every day. To what end, it is unclear. But perhaps I, too shall start with a walk in the woods (may the mushrooms be plentiful, large and obviously safe to eat ;-). Thinking of you and hoping we both find a way to find comfort – at a soul level – with what we see, creative, share and do in this troubled world. And if we can’t, then perhaps we can forge a new path through and to it – not just for ourselves, but for other beings as well. xoxo
At the crossroads! Perhaps it has to do with the equinox and the changing season? I feel like it’s kind of “woo”woo” but I have this weird feeling of an actual change taking place on a much, much larger sphere. Perhaps I am wrong, more than likely!
I am happy Bonnie spoke to you as well, she is very encouraging like a beam of light!
A walk in the woods really does wonders! Deep breathing, walking on a trail and going *offline* I find.
I also think you may like the youtuber BealtaineCottage. I feel inspired and peaceful when I watch her videos!
Thank you, woolkindknits! And might I say the same of your words – very perceptive and full of wisdom.
Bonnie, you are really so sweet and I very much need to hear these words.
I am under the impression right now that something very fundamental is shifting in our world – this week seems so full of just chaos and such a distressed earth. I sense it from hatred I see spreading online and even from my animal companions acting up. I try to stay away from the news as much as possible because it really affects me. So I so want to believe that love and peace is the ultimate goal (and I definitely believe this as well, but sometimes it is hard).
Did you take an artist residency in the past? I would love to hear about your experience.
The new routines I think is very important – yesterday I felt such distress that I ran in the country with my dog. It helped a lot.
There is a youtuber I have been watching regularly who is incredibly inspiring – her name is BealtaineCottage. She is wonderful and has some very soothing, encouraging videos in defence of the earth. I think you may like her!
Your internal perception radar is spot on Julia! We ARE in the midst of a huge shift to an Age of Light and Love. The news may seem very dire these days, but remember that Light reveals the darkest of shadows and eventually casts them out. Light will always rule over darkness. It is always darkest before the dawn. Though we can’t always avoid the news it is helpful to limit how much you expose yourself to. And running in the woods to bring it all off is a perfect remedy!
Yes, I took a 2 month residency in the Pacific Northwest – at a retreat center in the Cascade mountains. It was fabulous. And I couldn’t have done it without the full support of my husband. I learned so much about myself as an artist during that time. Learned how to really let go and allow Spirit to create through me. I highly recommend it. I know of a few artists who have done 1 month residencies at National Parks here in the US. I would love to do this sometime – art and being in nature! Doesn’t get any better than that!
I briefly checked out the Bealtaine cottage. Only saw a few minutes but will watch more. Love hearing her accent!
There is a blogger who is spending the entire month in Ireland with her family traveling around the entire country. She calls it home/roadschooling. She has her own home based herbal business called LuSa Organics. Her Photos and blog have been fascinating. You might like to check her out: lusaorganics.typepad.com/ She is also on IG as lusa_mama
Stay positive and be kind to yourself as you ride the shift.
Oh and your living room looks so cozy!! 🙂 We have the windows wide open here – letting all the glorious damp in. Currently it’s cloudy, about 11C/52F outside and around 16C/61F inside. I’m snuggled up in woollies, under a blanket and with a warm kitten on my lap. Deep sigh…that walk may have to wait a bit 😉
First I have to say, I really enjoyed reading this because of your writing skills. When I read I imagine you as calm, kind and imaginative, and reading your descriptions of the seasons changing makes me feel like I’m almost there. The images you’ve chosen for this posts makes me feel like time stands still, in a nice way. I really like the colours, and for some reason it gives me the same feeling I get when I’m looking at old photos from when my parents were young. Maybe because they have something dreamlike to them, something that feels close and far away at the same time?
I am sorry if you are struggling with finding out where to go next, or how to. I’ve been struggling with that for ten years, I know the frustration. But it’s a good thing that you’ve started to think about these things, right? Suddenly you’ll just know the answer. You are so talented, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Just be patient with yourself. 🙂
P.s: Love your living room! And I’m so pleased to read about you being into tarot 🙂
I feel teary eyed by this post!! I have been feeling very emotional and vulnerable lately and reading your comment about the dreaminess of old photographs makes me feel very emotional!
I am very much inspired by you choosing to go back to school. I went straight from my undergrad to a masters degree. I chose to do a library science masters degree instead of a folklore masters because I thought it was more practical. Now, I am thinking of doing some independent folklore research, I need scholarship and research in my life again! On our island, the university does not have very many programs so for the time being, I think i will do some work here on the blog (sorry for writing so much to you!)
Also, I am going to take some time today to read your blog : D I am *detoxing* from social media for the next couple days so blogging, reading and working outside 😀
P.S. Do you like Tarot? I find it very helpful to just gain insight into your life ❤
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Oh, I’m so sorry if I made you sad in any way, Julia. I didn’t mean to.
It’s very nice of you to say that you were inspired by my choice to go back to school. I must admit, I’m not sure I will go through with it. The course it nothing like I thought it would be, and once again I feel really unsure about the choice I made. I am very interested in literature, but not so much in the theoretic language part about how the language has developed, phonetics, morphology and so on.
Researching folklore sounds like so much fun! I love it, and would have loved for my course to consist of nothing but. I can’t wait to read about it, if you’ll post something here.
Yes, I love tarot because it so filled with symbolism. A few years ago I spent a lot of time reading about the symbolism in the rider waite deck, because it’s packed. I’m not good at reading, but I’d love to learn. I just don’t feel like I’ve found “my” deck yet.
Thank you so much for sharing about Bealtaine Cottage, Julia! So soothing (and so much!) to watch :-). I’ve been listening to the Betwixt and Between audio podcast, but I’m not connecting with it as much as Bealtaine Cottage.
I missed my true calling to become a librarian (so glad you got to, even if it’s not your heart’s desire). Hopefully the day will come when I can at least be a library volunteer, and you can pursue folklore studies! Do you know Parabola journal? I wonder if there might be resources / connections for your folklore studies there?
I’m so glad you got to spend time at Grunewald Guild, Bonnie! I spent a short week there some years back…so special! Camilla your blog is beautiful! So happy to “meet” you all 🙂
I’ve been reading your blog since your first post, but this is my first reply. Your words resonated with me particularly today because the feeling of restlessness to do more while also not being able to center on one thing is a struggle I have had for a couple of years now.
It’s funny how like-minded people gravitate towards each other, so many comments today have mentioned libraries, which I know you studied library science. I myself am working full time in a public library as a library assistant. Though I don’t have a college degree, I love my job and hope to continue in the library system.
At the same time I have spend the past five years sewing and after a few failed attempts to have my own business it has never taken off. I often feel discouraged and am not sure where to begin, the world of craft selling has become so large I don’t think I’ll make a drop in the pool. Your honesty and realism in this blog is wonderful and I encourage you to keep your genuine approach in this world of social media. : ]
Thank you so much for your message, it really really meant so much. I did read it when you first sent it and it … I can’t even explain how good it felt especially since I have been dealing with someone harassing me recently. I kind of swore off using it for awhile, so I do apologize for the late response!
I know too well that feeling of entering the crafting realm as a business! The feelings of discouragement and disappointment. It’s honestly hard but it really depends I think on what you want to do. In the grand scheme of things, people are going to buy cheap things and don’t care very much about how it was made but there are some people that care many of which are artists or makers themselves. I think that just this small pool of people are so incredibly inspiring and encouraging that they kind of negates that initial disappointment. If you can kind of work on your business while not thinking of it as a business (if that makes any sense) but more sharing your love for a craft, it may be more helpful? If you’d like, we could talk further on the topic, I’d love to help! It’s funny because I am currently hoping to return to the library world as well : )
I hope this post finds you well and know that you are not alone at all!
Thank you for your response! I sent you an email replying in length though I’m not sure it went through : ]
Thanks for letting me know! I often forget to check my e-mail that is actually associated with y blog (I made a separate one for accounts, etc.). I’ll check as soon as I have time!